Some friends of ours, Jeff and Julie, are walking through the process of having one of their children involved in a car accident. Though it was a bad accident, their son thankfully survived. He suffered a badly broken leg which required extensive surgery.
I was blessed to see the reaction of the parents- gratitude to God for sparing their son. So many would be focused on ’why did this have to happen to us?’
First off, I know that watching your child suffer a severe injury or illness is probably the second worst thing in the world a parent may have to endure. Having lost one of our daughters in a car accident, I have experienced the worst.
Having said that, I often think that walking with your child through terminal or debilitating illness or injury is right up there, and in some ways may be worse.
Jeff and Julie are parents of six children and as such they have watched their children go through many difficulties, they always project the kind of faith that proclaims trust in a God that is loving and a ‘very present help in times of trouble’. Psalm 46:1
One of the things Julie posted about was being thankful for ‘the phone call’. The caller informed her that her son had been in an accident, but assured her he was ‘banged up but OK.’ That phone call, though difficult to hear, brought reassurance.
It made me reflect on our experience when Kim was called home to heaven. That call wasn’t handled so well:
Robyn called me one morning at work, very distraught, “Mike someone (anonymously) called and said ‘Your daughter has been in an accident, if it was my child, I’d want to know.’”
Other than giving the location, that was it. This was before cell phones were common- so I imagine he’d been at the scene, got our number from one of the other passengers and went to a nearby house and called.
Robyn, knowing no details jumped into the car and drove the 20 minutes from our home to the scene to find that our beautiful 17 year old daughter was lying covered up on the ground on the side of the road and had passed. She heroically stood by her and proclaimed aloud, ‘God, you are greater!’
Meanwhile, I was at work, about an hour away. My instinct was that she would be ok. I knew that she was in school at the time-perhaps it was some mistake? I was shocked a few moments later when my sobbing wife called, saying,’ Mike, Kimberly is in heaven!’ Those words still ring loudly in my year 16 years later.
I have little memory of the minutes, hours and days that followed- it was a blur. It was a time of being cared for by ‘angels’. However, I can tell you that Psalm 46 is true!
I could probably write a book on our experiences since that day- maybe several and on different subjects- Faith during the Storm, Grief, Parenting, Relationships, Counseling, Marriage, etc, etc… One might be titled ‘What Not To Do if You Witness a Tragedy’. And a related volume ‘What Not To Say to a Grieving Parent’.
I wish I could erase the pictures from Robyn’s mind that she had to see that day. If that call had been handled differently, perhaps she’d have been spared to some extent? Or at least had someone with her to absorb the shock.
I was more fortunate. My last image of Kim was kissing her on the forehead the night before as I tucked her into bed. I have to believe that, in His wisdom, God had a purpose in having things go the way they did that day.
An artist friend made a beautiful wooden angel that stood at the site for a few years. We rarely saw it though, as it was too painful to drive by that spot. (it’s actually a really beautiful spot on Highway 1 in Cambria, California). Ironically, in her job with Hospice, Robyn has to drive by the location of the accident almost every day. That too is evidence of God’s grace.
Some reading this may not believe in God. Often I hear people say, “I can’t believe in a God that would allow ___________________.” Or, ‘if I were God, I wouldn’t allow _____________’.
I can understand that way of thinking. I know by experience that life can be messy, unfair, painful, tragic, and unbearable! I also know from experience that :
1 God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.
2 So we will not fear when ____________ Psalm 46:1-2
My daughter Kelli was able to speak in church Sunday about her walk with God, and how He was with her and Ricky during the loss of two babies, both near term.
She boldly proclaimed the words from Joshua 1:9:
9 This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
I’m so proud of her and her testimony!
There’s so much more to say, it’s sometimes hard to put into words, but when you’ve walked a hard path, and experienced God’s presence through it, you are forever changed. You don’t fear. Not really. That’s not to say it’s easy however!
For now, back to where I started, I want to acknowledge Jeff and Julie and the way they acknowledge God through all their difficulties and give Him glory. You are an encouragement to everyone who knows you!
Blessings!
Pastor Mike Kinney
